So it's 3 AM and I can't sleep. I didn't even take a nap today and
I didn't sleep much the night before so I should be exhausted..but
alas... I guess I have a lot on my mind. I figured I should write it
all out and display it on facebook for my fellow peers to read and
judge--but hey! That's what facebook is all about!
First off--I
got put on the transfer wait list for Chapel Hill. I was pretty upset
about it. I had waited this long and now they are making me wait
longer. I just wanted a straight up answer. My parents are trying to
make it a positive thing--"At least you got put on the waiting list!
That's great!" I don't get it. I made great grades in high school and I
made the Dean's List last semester. What more does Chapel Hill want
from me? If I was a NC resident this wouldn't even be an issue. I hate
this in-state crap. So yeah, I don't find out until June 30th. I don't
even have a place to live next semester. I'm freaking out.
Next--
my mom sends me an e-mail telling me she's thinking about moving back
to Atlanta this summer. I don't know what to make of it. Yeah, I'd love
for her to go back to her friends and it would be great to have a home
again in Atlanta, but I won't be able to visit her as much.
My mom and dad will be miles and miles apart which makes things hard. I
liked that I could just drive 2 hours away and see her whenever I
wanted to. I'm close to my mom and I don't know if I could handle being
away from her for a long period of time. My throat gets tight whenever
I think about it.
I met my favorite comedian tonight...Demetri Martin.
He signed my COMEDY shirt. I love him. It was almost like a dream. I
got to sit front row just like I hoped I would and then take a picture
with him. Awesome. He said he liked my shirt. He should. He designed it.
So
spring is here and there's all that love stuff going around. I feel
kind of lonely because I like affection and I've been lacking in that
department. I don't know what to say about it all. I'll only be here
for two more weeks so I'm not trying to get involved with anyone here,
but that doesn't stop me from feeling alone.
I
miss my friends. My Georgia ones. And Chautauqua ones. I feel like I
can only be happy if I'm in some other geographical location. My dad
says it's bad to tell myself that I'll only be happy if I'm some place
else. I'm struggling here though. But I was struggling in Georgia when
I was a senior. I wanted to get away, and now that I am...I want to go
back. So my happiness really has nothing to do with where I'm living.
It has more to do with just me. But I think I'm just plain bored. I'm
bored with people and the things we do. I love talking to people who
teach me new things. I like going on adventures. I'm tired of being
surrounded by people who feel like they have to get drunk in order for
the night to be considered successful. I miss hanging out with Corey. I
miss Kurt. Mia. Steve. Allen. But it won't be long until I visit
Atlanta. I'm just afraid it won't be enough time.
I think I got
a job in Chautauqua, NY for the summer. I'll be waiting tables at this
nice old hotel full of rich old people. Right on! I can't wait to be
back there.
Overall, today was stressful but successful. I got
a 96 on my algebra test. My Spanish teacher said "I have a gift" after
I took the oral part of my exam (which was basically just him and I
talking casually in Spanish for 15 minutes). He thinks I should pursue
Spanish but.......no. And then I met Demetri. So yeah, today was good.
Now if only I could go to sleep.
